Giving myself rules

I am a big rule parent.

Some people who have different styles might mock my affinity for rules, but I find them to help both the children and me a LOT.  Rather than coming up with reason and justification each time I ask the children to listen, I instead announce, "It is a rule."  This seems to hold a lot more weight than "Mommy said so."  In my children's mind, rules come with a lot more authority than my instruction.

When we sit down to eat at the table, we have table rules.  I usually call them "Table Manners," but the authority is still there.  When we go on walks, it is a rule that everyone holds hands when we cross the street.  Whether the rules enforce safety or respect, they teach my kids the ways of the world.  I also believe that kids thrive with rules.  They like to know what is expected of them and on some level it brings a sense of happiness. <My 4yo really does love the rules on some level, even though she has taken to telling me at every turn, "When I am a Mommy, I am going to let my kids eat candy all day and do whatever they want," etc....>

Sometimes, I wish I had a mommy on top of me all day telling me rules:  What I should and should not do.  If I am getting cranky because I didn't drink enough water throughout the day, I would love for a mommy to hover over me until I drink all of the water in the cup she prepared.  Every time my phone rings, I go through a big debate in my mind - Do I answer it or not?  Why can't someone else make rules for me as to when it is appropriate and proper to answer my phone throughout the day when I am home with the kids? 

When someone is in the middle of a meltdown and a million things are happening at once, I usually ignore the ringing phone. 

When everyone is playing nicely and I actually have quiet moments to cook or organize, answering a phone call seems manageable.  Somehow, the minute I say "Hello," it is a cue to my children to ask me questions, complain about something, or take my attention away from the phone call in some other way.    Besides that fact that I feel bad for the person on the other end of the phone who probably wanted a few undistracted moments with me, answering the phone seemed to ruin that perfect moment - of happily playing children and a few minutes to get something done.  I probably would have been better off answering the phone when everything was already in shambles.  What's one more, when you are already dealing with 20 stressors?

I could possibly try to strictly enforce a rule about silence in the house while I'm on the phone.  I have decided against this for several reasons.  Most importantly, I need to pick my battles, and this is not a battle that I deem worthy of a fight.  So instead, I have decided to give myself a rule.  I have been trying to enforce it for myself over the past week to no avail, but hopefully through writing the blog I will realize how important this is and listen to the authority within myself.

The rule:  I will not have a long conversation (more than 2 minutes) on the phone between 8AM and 7PM unless I am temporarily availed of my parenting duties.

The hardest part about this rule is our location on the west coast.  If I want to speak with anyone, I will either need to wake up early and find a quiet place to speak, or use precious babysitter or alone time, that I strategically plan throughout my week, to speak on the phone rather than recharge my internal batteries.

Inevitably, each time I break my rule and answer that phone, at least one child and I take a good half hour to recover from the disturbance in equilibrium in the home.  Inevitably by that point, the phone rings again.  I think that for a few days I am going to keep my phone on silent and just check it every hour or two for important messages.  I will see how it goes and see if this cellular silence truly does bring a more content and connected atmosphere to our days.