The Facebook

Back in my college years, Facebook and I had something special going on.  It was the "new thing" and provided so many amazing social opportunities on the college scene.  I also loved using Facebook as a medium to share pictures with all of my friends.

Then I graduated college, got married, had a child, and without realizing it, my relationship with Facebook had gone from casual to very serious.  The minute something happened with my new baby, I instinctively ran to the computer to tell people (this was still before I had email on my phone).  I posted a new album of her milestones and checked Facebook every hour to check who had commented because knowing people were thinking of me and seeing these pictures gave me the slightest fleeting moment of joy.  Those moments passed quickly though, and left a noticeable lack in their absence.  It left me craving the next "high" of seeing comments or posts.

I don't remember the exact day or moment, but all of a sudden I realized that this relationship I had with Facebook had infringed upon the relationships that actually mattered in my life.  I cared more about snapping a picture to share my baby's crawl with the world than I did about keeping my arms out for her to crawl into me.

So we broke up.

I considered deactivating my account, but decided that I could use self control to change my habits without needing to take such a drastic measure.

In time, as I became more distant from the pull of the addiction, I began to notice other negative psychological components to living life through the Facebook lens.

1)  When moments are always interrupted by a desire to put them online, it is not possible to enjoy the moment to the same extent as if you are immersed in it fully (see Be in the Moment).

2)  Facebook displays polar emotions.  Rarely does someone report that they feel completely normal and are having a completely routine day.  Instead, they report the negative or positive aspects of their lives.  These both result in an increase of negative emotion.  Let me explain.

Negative moments:  Person A feels enraged at X, Y and Z and feels that through telling a lot of people online it might somehow solve an aspect of the problem.  Unfortunately, the very act of reliving the anger through typing and sharing it will indeed increase the original emotion.  Further, it might cause some degree of anger by the people reading the post, who feel for Person A's plight.

Postive moments:  This one is very tricky.  You would think that if Person B has a wonderful spouse and children and amazing friends and a picture perfect life that they document entirely on their Facebook page, it might bring their friends and family joy in seeing their happiness.  Unfortunately, the human psyche is a bit more complicated.  The average person will look at Person B's page and feel a twinge of negativity toward them.  This negativity might come from jealousy (in the worst case) or simply sadness at their own life not feeling as fulfilled.  This observer might temporarily forget that Person B's Facebook page is only a snapshot of the positive moments in their life.  They probably have an occasional argument with their spouse or a screaming kid meltdown in a grocery store, but have decided to selectively not share those not so picture perfect moments.

Let me recage here.  I did not go on this rant to make anybody feel bad about their own Facebook use.  I am sharing my own personal journey and thoughts, but I trust every individual to evaluate their own involvement and intention in posting based on their values and goals.

This whole concept resurfaced for me because I have recently decided that I can use Facebook again.  I feel far enough removed from the nagging desire to make my Facebook all about my kids, that I can reclaim it as a personal resource for myself.  I did put a picture with my kids as my wall, because they are such a strong part of my identity, but my posts and pictures will not be about them.

As my first status update in years, I let people know about this blog.  Within 5 hours, nearly 400 people accessed my blog.  In my Facebook hiatus I forgot how far and fast social media spreads word and connects individuals.  When used properly and for the right reasons, it can bring positive and good. 

Like today - my grocery order got delivered (I do this in general when my husband is away as opposed to grocery shopping with the whole clan) with everything except onions.  I posted a status asking if anyone had onions to spare or could pick some up while at the store.  Less than 15 minutes later, I had onions at my door.  So Facebook, thank you for my onions. :-)